Saturday, August 24, 2019

I love my home....well at least I use to

Good Golly Miss Molly....






When I fixed this little diamond in the rough up, I intended to live here til I die....

Fast forward 20 years....

My how things can change with age and all the aches and pains that go with it, not to mention my tolerance level for any bull crap in the neighborhood has dwindled to a "0" or a "1"  out of 10 at the very most.

I feel I have tolerated all I can take with the renters moving in around us...my nerves are shot. 

I have had people:

Tie dogs to my trees and leave them {with nothing but a rope collar}

Steal ALL of my Halloween candy in one shot.Yes I was home...and YES I chased them down.

Put 3 inches of salt on their walks in the winter and kill ALL my shrubs and trees

Call the police on me that I was jumping on her car...{I was never outside}

Rev Harleys literally 3 feet from my windows daily waking the kids up.

Have caught people looking in my windows(many times}face right up to the glass.{{{creeeepy}}

I literally am afraid to park in front due to people gawking and no paying attention when driving by

Had a guy choking his dog in front of my house...the dog was on a leash and literally off the ground gagging.

Had our car broken into in a gated back yard.

Had my flowers stolen.

Someone came into my fence...left it open and my dog ran away..(I found him)

Had a neighbors kid run his snowmobile thru my 2 week old fence.

Had kids baseballs crack my siding and put holes in my pond.

I have people parked outside taking pictures all the time...

Had people from the bar park snowmobiles in my back yard.

Had a neighbor want to run an extension cord from my house to his because he didn't pay his bill.

I am sure there are more I am forgetting...

My quiet neighborhood I use to love is no longer the same, sadly..I live in a village of only about 1200 people..and I am on a side street, it should not be this way...

I need to get out to the country , where I can leave my drapes open, and not have to put makeup on to take the garbage out...

I know now how that goldfish feels in that bowl, or how the animals feel in the zoo. 



If I stay, I will have to be on medication to deal with all this nonsense. My home is no longer my home, it feels like a cage. I do not like to go outside anymore because I am afraid of what I will encounter next. I am just too old and drrrrn tired to deal with nonsense.

I have started the process of detachment taking personal things down, painting everything neutral...etc. I think my house is lashing back at me ...I have never had so many things break since I started this process...The dishwasher broke , the bathroom door just fell off, a pipe broke in the bathroom when no one was in there...left 3 inches of water on the floor...my garden goddess out front blew over in a storm...I am not superstitious, but  beginning to feel like she is getting mad at me.....

Sometimes we just need to take a leap of faith in order to find out what we’re capable of. While it may be impossible  to imagine saying goodbye to a place I’ve called home for a long time, making the move to a different area is a great way to see just how far my limits really go. And if I can do that, who knows what else I can do?

There is comfort in familiarity, but I need a new starting point.

I keep telling myself the best way to experience something new is to immerse yourself in it. but how do you let go of something you love even if it is making you crazy??

I  need to stop focusing on what I am losing and start focusing on what I will be gaining.Think in a positive way about the changes. Make it an adventure I can look forward to.
Maybe focus on all the things I can do in my new house, an outdoor life with nature..new decorating options...lower maintenance , more room, first floor laundry... 
ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING!



But....

 I fear that I might feel like I made a mistake by moving. There may be regrets...I don't do well with regret.


I know the spirit of my home will never leave me, I hope it goes wherever I go...I CAN make a new home with new memories....RIGHT???




....to be continued....